yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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