she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
