At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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