Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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