well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Randomize
