Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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