i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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