i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
