hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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