you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
