His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
