Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
