I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
