At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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