This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
