Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
