You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
do nipples grow back?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
