I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
