your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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