I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
