I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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