no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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