dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
