I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize