like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
