I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
