RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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