I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You may now shotgun with the bride
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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