Don't you send me to vm
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
