LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
