I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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