You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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