He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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