Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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