I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
