You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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