Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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