he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
