New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
