How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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