So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
