Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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