Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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