Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
