Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
