She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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