whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
