There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
