ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Randomize
