just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
