I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
