Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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