I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
