just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
