I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
