do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
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